Sunday, June 11, 2006
The Long Anticipated Chapter 4
Okay everyone, you can all relax, because here is Chapter 4 of the story! Now Aaron Honn can stop calling my house 15 times a day to ask me if I've written anything yet, and Jay Eads can stop stuffing my mailbox with notes telling me how to write the story.
Let's begin by recapping the story, because I haven't read it in a few months and I have no idea what's going on.
Zebra-style roman number format:
I. The crime-fighting team went to Canada (which isn't real, but just pretend because Canada is vital to the story)
II. The team plans to fight the Evil Scorpion King of All that is Evil... because he's evil, if you didn't get that from his name. And the crime fighters are good. Good vs Evil... It's a metaphor
III. They met Mary the Goose, whose superior knowledge of the geography of British Columbia and her incredible resemblance to Mother Goose make her a crucial member of the team.
IV. Piginny is still in Hawaii until further notice, because she is still doing important spy work, and it's really hard to write a story with that many characters.
Okay, here we go...
Chapter 4
In order to reach the Evil Scorpion King's castle, our intrepid crime fighting team had to first cross through the dangerous terrain that is British Columbia (If you are reading this story to children under the age of 17, you may want to replace the words "Canada" or "British Columbia" with less frightening words, because I don't want to scare anybody). As they were following Mary the Goose through Canada, they stumbled across a dark, scary forest.
"Oh I get it!" said Zebra-Man "Dark-scary-castle would imply a dark-scary-forest surrounding it. We must be close!"
"Yeah, and there's a sign that says dark-scary-castle with an arrow right over there." said Eads the Panda
"Ugghh... I finally figured something out, without something magical and unexpected giving it away, and then there was something magical and unexpected anyway! How are we even crime-fighters? Anybody could figure this stuff out!"
So while Zebra-Man was contemplating his validity as a crime-fighting Zebra, Penguin Guy got to work figuring out a way through the forest.
"If only I was a flying penguin, Mary and I would be able to carry everyone over the forest, because it would clearly take two flying animals to carry you guys over the forest, not including Eads the panda (who is a big panda). Oh man, if only I could fly! Woe is me!"
Then Penguin Guy went and sat by Zebra-Man, and contemplated his validity as a crime-fighting penguin that can't fly.
"Yeah," said Mary the Goose "two flying animals would definately be able to carry you guys over the forest"
Then there was a long silence while the crime fighters waited for something to happen, as there always is when I can't think of a realistic solution to a problem I have created in my story-telling.
Then, just when it seemed there was no hypothetical solution to the hypothetical problem I had created, Eads the Panda was hit in the face by a bird.
"Oh I get it" said Eads "let's hit the panda in the face again with a bird! Real original!"
He then proceeded to sit down by Penguin Guy and Zebra Man, and contemplated his validity as a crime-fighting panda who is continually hit the face by birds.
"What's wrong with them?" asked Piginny.
"Piginny, it's you!" exclaimed the team as they stopped contemplating their respective issues.
"What a coincidence that a second flying animal showed up at this time, when that was exactly what we needed!" said Zebra-Man.
So, now that the team had a second flying animal, Piginny and Mary carried ZebraMan and Penguin Guy over the dark scary forest, but not Eads, because a pigeon and a goose obviously can't carry a panda... that's just silly!
Once on the other side of the forest, the crime-fighting team (minus eads) found themselves at the base of an incredibly high cliff.
"Oh No," said Mary, "There is no way we can cary you guys up that! It's unrealistic enough to have even carried you over the forest in the first place!"
"If only Eads the Panda were here, he may be able to punch a hole in the base of the cliff that may open up a secret passage that may lead to the Evil Kings Castle, maybe." said Penguin Guy
Just then, they heard a loud noise moving through the forest. As they anxiously waited to see what could possibly happen next, they recognized the sound as Eads the Panda eating food. Eads the panda then apperead.
"Hey guys, did you know that that forest was made of bamboo. I love bamboo! I feel like punching a hole in something now! (Because bamboo supercharged Eads)" He then proceeded to punch a hole in the incredibly high cliff, and when the smoke cleared there was an entrance to a dark cave in front of them.
"It's the Mines of Moria*!" exclaimed Penguin Guy.
"Why didn't Eads figure out it was a bamboo forest before we had to reintroduce Piginny, because now the poor narrator is stuck writing for five characters again!" said Zebraman.
"Yeah" said Piginny
"Yeah" said Mary the Goose
"Yeah" said Penguin Guy
"Yeah" said Eads the Panda
"See what I mean?" said Zebraman
So the team headed into the dark caves, in the continued pursuit of the Evil King of all that is evil. But many questions remained, such as:
Will penguin guy ever fly? Will Zebra-Man ever have a positive contribution to the story? Will Eads the Panda stop being hit in the face by birds? Will anyone ever read this? Will it take me another 6 months to add the next chapter?
TO BE CONTINUED
*It should be noted that I had the idea of the "Mines of Moria" long before Lord of the Rings did, and they stole it from me.
Let's begin by recapping the story, because I haven't read it in a few months and I have no idea what's going on.
Zebra-style roman number format:
I. The crime-fighting team went to Canada (which isn't real, but just pretend because Canada is vital to the story)
II. The team plans to fight the Evil Scorpion King of All that is Evil... because he's evil, if you didn't get that from his name. And the crime fighters are good. Good vs Evil... It's a metaphor
III. They met Mary the Goose, whose superior knowledge of the geography of British Columbia and her incredible resemblance to Mother Goose make her a crucial member of the team.
IV. Piginny is still in Hawaii until further notice, because she is still doing important spy work, and it's really hard to write a story with that many characters.
Okay, here we go...
Chapter 4
In order to reach the Evil Scorpion King's castle, our intrepid crime fighting team had to first cross through the dangerous terrain that is British Columbia (If you are reading this story to children under the age of 17, you may want to replace the words "Canada" or "British Columbia" with less frightening words, because I don't want to scare anybody). As they were following Mary the Goose through Canada, they stumbled across a dark, scary forest.
"Oh I get it!" said Zebra-Man "Dark-scary-castle would imply a dark-scary-forest surrounding it. We must be close!"
"Yeah, and there's a sign that says dark-scary-castle with an arrow right over there." said Eads the Panda
"Ugghh... I finally figured something out, without something magical and unexpected giving it away, and then there was something magical and unexpected anyway! How are we even crime-fighters? Anybody could figure this stuff out!"
So while Zebra-Man was contemplating his validity as a crime-fighting Zebra, Penguin Guy got to work figuring out a way through the forest.
"If only I was a flying penguin, Mary and I would be able to carry everyone over the forest, because it would clearly take two flying animals to carry you guys over the forest, not including Eads the panda (who is a big panda). Oh man, if only I could fly! Woe is me!"
Then Penguin Guy went and sat by Zebra-Man, and contemplated his validity as a crime-fighting penguin that can't fly.
"Yeah," said Mary the Goose "two flying animals would definately be able to carry you guys over the forest"
Then there was a long silence while the crime fighters waited for something to happen, as there always is when I can't think of a realistic solution to a problem I have created in my story-telling.
Then, just when it seemed there was no hypothetical solution to the hypothetical problem I had created, Eads the Panda was hit in the face by a bird.
"Oh I get it" said Eads "let's hit the panda in the face again with a bird! Real original!"
He then proceeded to sit down by Penguin Guy and Zebra Man, and contemplated his validity as a crime-fighting panda who is continually hit the face by birds.
"What's wrong with them?" asked Piginny.
"Piginny, it's you!" exclaimed the team as they stopped contemplating their respective issues.
"What a coincidence that a second flying animal showed up at this time, when that was exactly what we needed!" said Zebra-Man.
So, now that the team had a second flying animal, Piginny and Mary carried ZebraMan and Penguin Guy over the dark scary forest, but not Eads, because a pigeon and a goose obviously can't carry a panda... that's just silly!
Once on the other side of the forest, the crime-fighting team (minus eads) found themselves at the base of an incredibly high cliff.
"Oh No," said Mary, "There is no way we can cary you guys up that! It's unrealistic enough to have even carried you over the forest in the first place!"
"If only Eads the Panda were here, he may be able to punch a hole in the base of the cliff that may open up a secret passage that may lead to the Evil Kings Castle, maybe." said Penguin Guy
Just then, they heard a loud noise moving through the forest. As they anxiously waited to see what could possibly happen next, they recognized the sound as Eads the Panda eating food. Eads the panda then apperead.
"Hey guys, did you know that that forest was made of bamboo. I love bamboo! I feel like punching a hole in something now! (Because bamboo supercharged Eads)" He then proceeded to punch a hole in the incredibly high cliff, and when the smoke cleared there was an entrance to a dark cave in front of them.
"It's the Mines of Moria*!" exclaimed Penguin Guy.
"Why didn't Eads figure out it was a bamboo forest before we had to reintroduce Piginny, because now the poor narrator is stuck writing for five characters again!" said Zebraman.
"Yeah" said Piginny
"Yeah" said Mary the Goose
"Yeah" said Penguin Guy
"Yeah" said Eads the Panda
"See what I mean?" said Zebraman
So the team headed into the dark caves, in the continued pursuit of the Evil King of all that is evil. But many questions remained, such as:
Will penguin guy ever fly? Will Zebra-Man ever have a positive contribution to the story? Will Eads the Panda stop being hit in the face by birds? Will anyone ever read this? Will it take me another 6 months to add the next chapter?
TO BE CONTINUED
*It should be noted that I had the idea of the "Mines of Moria" long before Lord of the Rings did, and they stole it from me.
