Thursday, February 16, 2006
Canada: Noble Land of Geese and Mooses or Myth used to Scare Children?
It has come to my attention that there is a dispute about the validity of Canada being a real country. I decided to weigh in on the issue, not because I know anything about it, but because I need something to do and discussing Canada's validity is right up there with throwing rocks in the air and cathcing them with my face as one of my favorite things to do. Lets consider some supporting facts from both sides of the argument before coming to a conclusion.
4 Common Issues surrounding Canada's Validity:
1. If Canada isn't real, where does Canadian bacon come from?
2. What about Canadian geese?
3. Canada has an Olympic team.
4. What purpose would there be to inventing the country Canada?
All of these statements can be easily countered with some basic thought processes. Canadian bacon obviously comes from the country "Canadian." If it was from Canada it would be called "Canada Bacon." This logic also applies to Canadian geese. When's the last time you heard someone say they saw a "Canada goose"? That's because Canada isn't real. Let's use some common sense people.
The Canada Olympic team is also only a myth, created because they needed an even number of teams for the Olympic curling competition. The Canada Olympic team is actually comprised of the Olympic janitorial staff, as well as large money donors that want to be in the Olympics.
The last question is the easiest to answer. In the early 19th century, the United States feared that children would want to leave the U.S. and go northward, drawn by the appeal that miles of frozen tundra has to offer. This would be a serious problem. If all the children went northward, as would be the obvious decision (Again, miles of frozen tundra are irresistable), then no one would be left in America. They decided to invent the myth of Canada, and told it's story to children at bedtime to frighten them from leaving the U.S.
From rereading my above writing, I am now quite convinced that Canda isn't real. My theory is that polticians use the land for large scale games of hide-and-seek and capture the flag when they aren't working. It is named Canada after Abraham Lincoln's favorite dog growing up as a young boy.
Another mystery solved!
--Schrieber out
4 Common Issues surrounding Canada's Validity:
1. If Canada isn't real, where does Canadian bacon come from?
2. What about Canadian geese?
3. Canada has an Olympic team.
4. What purpose would there be to inventing the country Canada?
All of these statements can be easily countered with some basic thought processes. Canadian bacon obviously comes from the country "Canadian." If it was from Canada it would be called "Canada Bacon." This logic also applies to Canadian geese. When's the last time you heard someone say they saw a "Canada goose"? That's because Canada isn't real. Let's use some common sense people.
The Canada Olympic team is also only a myth, created because they needed an even number of teams for the Olympic curling competition. The Canada Olympic team is actually comprised of the Olympic janitorial staff, as well as large money donors that want to be in the Olympics.
The last question is the easiest to answer. In the early 19th century, the United States feared that children would want to leave the U.S. and go northward, drawn by the appeal that miles of frozen tundra has to offer. This would be a serious problem. If all the children went northward, as would be the obvious decision (Again, miles of frozen tundra are irresistable), then no one would be left in America. They decided to invent the myth of Canada, and told it's story to children at bedtime to frighten them from leaving the U.S.
From rereading my above writing, I am now quite convinced that Canda isn't real. My theory is that polticians use the land for large scale games of hide-and-seek and capture the flag when they aren't working. It is named Canada after Abraham Lincoln's favorite dog growing up as a young boy.
Another mystery solved!
--Schrieber out
# adventure retold by Schrieber : 7:16 PM
