Sunday, July 13, 2008
B Story
After hours of flying and walking toward an unknown destination, Gregle and Lenny stopped for a water break alongside a stream. They had since passed south out of Panda Forest and were traveling through dense woodlands, presumably somewhere in Malaysia (obviously).
"I am so tired!" complained Lenny. "My feet hurt, I'm hungry, and I stubbed my toe on a tree stump back there."
"Stop whining! You are worse than the evil Piginny of legend," said Gregle.
"Who?" asked Lenny.
"I never told you that story?" Gregle said. "Piginny was once an evil pigeon that whined constantly, and roamed the lands of China and Canada. Legend has it that a great zebra, penguin, panda, whale, rock, goose, dalmation, lemur, kitten, dog, and skunk managed to destroy her and restored peace to our world."
"I don't believe in that stuff. That's crazy," said Lenny the mystical talking cow/pig.
"Wait a minute," said Gregle, "Didn't we just talk to a mystical panda and hear about having to protect the world from evil? And what's that?!"
Gregle, using his superior eyesight, had noticed some tracks on the forest floor near the stream. Upon closer inspection, he and Lenny were able to distinguish the distinct tracks of two dogs, a cat, and a skunk.
"None of these animals I recognize are native to this region, and they would never travel so closely together like this," deduced Gregle.
"Well, let's follow them. We might as well, seeing as how we have no idea where we are going," suggested Lenny.
So Gregle the Eagle and Lenny followed the tracks for three days and nights. Finally, soon after night had fallen, they heard the sound of hushed voices and wood crackling in a fire. Gregle the Eagle listened closely and relayed what he heard to Lenny the cow/pig, whose ears were not nearly as fine-tuned. And this is what he heard:
"This doesn't make any sense at all! If this happens any more we are all done for good! I can't take this anymore!' Another voice intervened: 'We all have to just relax. This is what she wants us to do! Between us we can figure out how to handle it!' The first voice came back, louder and angrier than before: 'No! I am done trying to handle it. That was the third shoe of mine she has ruined! And she barks all the time for no reason! Either she goes or I go!' Then a new voice: 'Shh! Quiet! I am sure she is very sorry, and it won't happen again."
"Sounds like they are having a pretty serious argument," said Lenny. "What do you want to do?"
But Gregle never had a chance to respond, for the muffled sound of arguing was shattered by an ear-splitting series of barks, a loud "There it is again!" and a crying baby. The next minute Gregle and Lenny found themselves being jumped on by a golden-red dog, who was being chased by another dog and skunk.
"Whoa, who are you?" asked the dog, a dalmatian.
So Gregle and Lenny, feeling that they could trust other talking animals that seemed as out of place as they did, told them that they were sent by a panda to find the land of Wolley.
"Crazy," said the skunk, "Maybe you should come share the fire with us. We need to talk."
Once around the fire, introductions were made. Gregle and Lenny were shocked to find that the names of their hosts were DalmatiHonn, Trevor the Lemur ("But aren't you a cat?"), Skunk Boy, Cali, and a small panda named Panda Junior.
"You mean you are the animals from the stories?" asked Gregle.
"Yeah," said DalmatiHonn. "I am surprised you remember, that was a while ago."
"But there was only one panda in those stories, right? Wouldn't that be the one we met?" asked Gregle.
"Yeah, that is kind of a long tale," explained Skunk Boy. "But probably not long enough for its own story, so I guess we will tell it now."
Their Story, or Why There Are Two Pandas, One of Which is in Malaysia:
"After the evil Piginny had been defeated, we had a hard time finding things to do. Evil had vanished from the world, crime was down, and times were tough for crime-fighting talking animals. As happy as we were that evil was gone, it makes our lives kind of meaningless, and definitely not something anyone would want to write about. We decided that we had to move out of our crime fighting den in search of excitement elsewhere. A few weeks later we reached Scotland, where we assumed there would be way more excitement. There we met this crazy toucan who said he was bored too, and he told us that he had found a map to the legendary Vault of Boxes. These boxes are filled with all kinds of treasures, and they happened to be just across the channel in France. He said he couldn't go because it was time for him to start migrating, but we had nothing else to do so we took his map and managed to find the vault. It was surprisingly easy, I mean, we are crime-fighting animals with mad skills, and we got into the vault. Then, from nowhere, a tennis ball flew (Narrator time-out for brownies, I guarantee this will get more interesting after these are digested...mmm) through the air and Cali went after it, she smashed right into one of the shelves and multiple boxes crashed down. One of those boxes, Panda's Box, happened to...
"Wait, don't you mean Pandora's Box?" asked Gregle. "I thought for sure that was where this story was going."
"No," said DalmatiHonn, "Panda's Box, that was where Panda Junior came from. Just listen to the story."
"As I was saying... some of the boxes fell to the ground and opened, which is where Panda Junior came from. Unfortunately, the box next to it, Pandora's Box (he glared at Gregle) also opened, which is why evil is back in the world. Everyone has been living without it for so long that its sudden reappearance is causing considerable trouble, and that is why we need to go get help from something in Wolley and Der. The End."
"How did you know about Wolley and Der?" asked Lenny. "Did the little panda tell you?"
"No he can't talk yet. This isn't our first adventure you know," said Trevor the Lemur (the cat). "Der and Wolley are the two most mystical places in the world, and we know that to re-contain this new more powerful evil we will need all the help we can get. We don't know what is there, but something will help us."
"So should we get going?" asked Gregle.
"Yeah, let's do this," said everyone in attendance.
Panda Junior gurgled in agreement.
"I am so tired!" complained Lenny. "My feet hurt, I'm hungry, and I stubbed my toe on a tree stump back there."
"Stop whining! You are worse than the evil Piginny of legend," said Gregle.
"Who?" asked Lenny.
"I never told you that story?" Gregle said. "Piginny was once an evil pigeon that whined constantly, and roamed the lands of China and Canada. Legend has it that a great zebra, penguin, panda, whale, rock, goose, dalmation, lemur, kitten, dog, and skunk managed to destroy her and restored peace to our world."
"I don't believe in that stuff. That's crazy," said Lenny the mystical talking cow/pig.
"Wait a minute," said Gregle, "Didn't we just talk to a mystical panda and hear about having to protect the world from evil? And what's that?!"
Gregle, using his superior eyesight, had noticed some tracks on the forest floor near the stream. Upon closer inspection, he and Lenny were able to distinguish the distinct tracks of two dogs, a cat, and a skunk.
"None of these animals I recognize are native to this region, and they would never travel so closely together like this," deduced Gregle.
"Well, let's follow them. We might as well, seeing as how we have no idea where we are going," suggested Lenny.
So Gregle the Eagle and Lenny followed the tracks for three days and nights. Finally, soon after night had fallen, they heard the sound of hushed voices and wood crackling in a fire. Gregle the Eagle listened closely and relayed what he heard to Lenny the cow/pig, whose ears were not nearly as fine-tuned. And this is what he heard:
"This doesn't make any sense at all! If this happens any more we are all done for good! I can't take this anymore!' Another voice intervened: 'We all have to just relax. This is what she wants us to do! Between us we can figure out how to handle it!' The first voice came back, louder and angrier than before: 'No! I am done trying to handle it. That was the third shoe of mine she has ruined! And she barks all the time for no reason! Either she goes or I go!' Then a new voice: 'Shh! Quiet! I am sure she is very sorry, and it won't happen again."
"Sounds like they are having a pretty serious argument," said Lenny. "What do you want to do?"
But Gregle never had a chance to respond, for the muffled sound of arguing was shattered by an ear-splitting series of barks, a loud "There it is again!" and a crying baby. The next minute Gregle and Lenny found themselves being jumped on by a golden-red dog, who was being chased by another dog and skunk.
"Whoa, who are you?" asked the dog, a dalmatian.
So Gregle and Lenny, feeling that they could trust other talking animals that seemed as out of place as they did, told them that they were sent by a panda to find the land of Wolley.
"Crazy," said the skunk, "Maybe you should come share the fire with us. We need to talk."
Once around the fire, introductions were made. Gregle and Lenny were shocked to find that the names of their hosts were DalmatiHonn, Trevor the Lemur ("But aren't you a cat?"), Skunk Boy, Cali, and a small panda named Panda Junior.
"You mean you are the animals from the stories?" asked Gregle.
"Yeah," said DalmatiHonn. "I am surprised you remember, that was a while ago."
"But there was only one panda in those stories, right? Wouldn't that be the one we met?" asked Gregle.
"Yeah, that is kind of a long tale," explained Skunk Boy. "But probably not long enough for its own story, so I guess we will tell it now."
Their Story, or Why There Are Two Pandas, One of Which is in Malaysia:
"After the evil Piginny had been defeated, we had a hard time finding things to do. Evil had vanished from the world, crime was down, and times were tough for crime-fighting talking animals. As happy as we were that evil was gone, it makes our lives kind of meaningless, and definitely not something anyone would want to write about. We decided that we had to move out of our crime fighting den in search of excitement elsewhere. A few weeks later we reached Scotland, where we assumed there would be way more excitement. There we met this crazy toucan who said he was bored too, and he told us that he had found a map to the legendary Vault of Boxes. These boxes are filled with all kinds of treasures, and they happened to be just across the channel in France. He said he couldn't go because it was time for him to start migrating, but we had nothing else to do so we took his map and managed to find the vault. It was surprisingly easy, I mean, we are crime-fighting animals with mad skills, and we got into the vault. Then, from nowhere, a tennis ball flew (Narrator time-out for brownies, I guarantee this will get more interesting after these are digested...mmm) through the air and Cali went after it, she smashed right into one of the shelves and multiple boxes crashed down. One of those boxes, Panda's Box, happened to...
"Wait, don't you mean Pandora's Box?" asked Gregle. "I thought for sure that was where this story was going."
"No," said DalmatiHonn, "Panda's Box, that was where Panda Junior came from. Just listen to the story."
"As I was saying... some of the boxes fell to the ground and opened, which is where Panda Junior came from. Unfortunately, the box next to it, Pandora's Box (he glared at Gregle) also opened, which is why evil is back in the world. Everyone has been living without it for so long that its sudden reappearance is causing considerable trouble, and that is why we need to go get help from something in Wolley and Der. The End."
"How did you know about Wolley and Der?" asked Lenny. "Did the little panda tell you?"
"No he can't talk yet. This isn't our first adventure you know," said Trevor the Lemur (the cat). "Der and Wolley are the two most mystical places in the world, and we know that to re-contain this new more powerful evil we will need all the help we can get. We don't know what is there, but something will help us."
"So should we get going?" asked Gregle.
"Yeah, let's do this," said everyone in attendance.
Panda Junior gurgled in agreement.
A Story
In the world of on-line literature, there are really only two things that deserve to be written about. They are, of course, eagles and cow/pigs. (Cow/pigs are one thing). Therefore, since I want this story to have deserved to be written, it will include both an eagle and a cow/pig.
Once upon a time there was an eagle and a cow/pig. And once upon a time they had a fateful conversation:
"Hey cow/pig" said the eagle, "I'm bored."
"Me too," said the cow/pig, "What shall we do?"
Then they had a fateful lull in the conversation.
And then the conversation fatefully resumed
"Let's go do something adventurous" said the eagle.
"Sweet," said the cow/pig, "what shall we do?"
"Let's go for a hike" said the eagle.
So the two decided to go for a hike. The eagle, despite having the ability to fly, decided to walk alongside his friend the cow/pig. Finding a nearby forest, the two began to wander aimlessly through it, occasionally pausing to admire the beauty of the sunlight shining through the leaves of the forest.
"Look at the way the sun shines through the leaves of this forest" said the eagle.
"Yes, I was just admiring that" said the cow/pig.
In their wandering they reached the base of a mountain, and began to hike up it. After hiking for quite some time, they reached the top of the mountain, and were surprised to find a small, seemingly uninhabited, shack.
"Wow, that's weird," said the eagle, "why is there a bamboo shack on top of this mountain in the middle of a forest?"
"I don't know," said the cow/pig, "why do you park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?"
"Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?" said the deep booming voice of a large panda as he came out of the bamboo shack.
"Yeah, it does" said the eagle, who was brave enough not to be frightened by the unexpected appearance of a large panda with a booming voice. (The cow/pig was not as brave, and had hidden behind a bamboo grove at the first sound of the panda's footsteps.
"Are you alone, eagle?" said the big panda. "This magical bamboo forest, also known as Panda Forest, has a powerful spell on it that only allows people in the presence of a panda to reach the base of, and ascend, Panda Mountain. But you are not a panda."
"I'm not alone either" said the eagle. "Hey cow/pig, get out here."
The cow/pig stepped out of his hiding place and sheepishly (or cow-piggishly) looked up at the panda.
"Oh geeze!" said the panda, "Is that a cow/pig? The legend is actually that you need a panda or a cow/pig to get through the forest and up the mountain, but we pandas have always assumed that cow/pigs don't exist, so we shortened the name from Panda and Cow/Pig Forest to Panda Forest. Wait a minute, I'll be right back."
The eagle and the cow/pig looked at one another, and shrugged. Then the eagle had an idea...
"Okay, I'm back," said the panda as he stepped out of his shack. "Where are you guys?"
Then the eagle and the cow/pig jumped out from behind opposite sides of the shack. The eagle flew up full speed into the panda's belly, and the panda fell back over the cow/pig.
"First EVER Giant Fat Panda Tip!!!" said the eagle, as he high-fived the cow/pig.
"That was unnecessary" said the panda. "Anyway, I didn't always live up here by myself. There was once another panda, ancienter than I, who lived on this mountain in this shack. He passed away last Tuesday, but he left me a note that he said I couldn't open until I met one of the legendary cow/pigs. I figured he was old and crazy, which he was, but I also figured he was old and crazy because I didn't believe in cow/pigs. First of all, who has ever heard of a cow/pig? And, they supposedly come from Canada, which for many years I didn't believe in either. But now here you are, so I opened the note."
"What does it say?" asked the eagle.
"As I was going to say, before I was tipped, the note reads "A time of great evil has passed, I've been drinking green tea all day, but a time is coming when the great evil will return, we just ran over a small bus, and when that evil comes, pools are great for holding water, new and old powers will need to unite to fight it, ultimate-punch."
"That panda was crazy" said the eagle.
"Regardless of that, I believe that you are this new power, a demonstrated by your bravery, legendary-ness, and tipping abilities. You must travel to the distant and ancient lands of Wolley and Der to find the tools to summon the old powers and defeat this rising evil."
"Alright, I have nothing else to do," said the eagle. "You in?" he asked the cow/pig.
"Yep" said the cow/pig.
"Good luck," said the panda. "Go that way."
And so the eagle and cow/pig set off towards Wolley.
"Wait," said the panda, "what are your names, so that this story may be recorded in legend?"
"Gregle," said the eagle, "Gregle the Eagle."
"Lenny," said the cow/pig, "Just Lenny."
"About time," said the panda.
"Who are you?" yelled Gregle, who was by this point quite far away from the panda on the mountain.
"I am Eads the Panda," said the panda. "Good Luck."
To Be Continued...
Once upon a time there was an eagle and a cow/pig. And once upon a time they had a fateful conversation:
"Hey cow/pig" said the eagle, "I'm bored."
"Me too," said the cow/pig, "What shall we do?"
Then they had a fateful lull in the conversation.
And then the conversation fatefully resumed
"Let's go do something adventurous" said the eagle.
"Sweet," said the cow/pig, "what shall we do?"
"Let's go for a hike" said the eagle.
So the two decided to go for a hike. The eagle, despite having the ability to fly, decided to walk alongside his friend the cow/pig. Finding a nearby forest, the two began to wander aimlessly through it, occasionally pausing to admire the beauty of the sunlight shining through the leaves of the forest.
"Look at the way the sun shines through the leaves of this forest" said the eagle.
"Yes, I was just admiring that" said the cow/pig.
In their wandering they reached the base of a mountain, and began to hike up it. After hiking for quite some time, they reached the top of the mountain, and were surprised to find a small, seemingly uninhabited, shack.
"Wow, that's weird," said the eagle, "why is there a bamboo shack on top of this mountain in the middle of a forest?"
"I don't know," said the cow/pig, "why do you park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?"
"Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?" said the deep booming voice of a large panda as he came out of the bamboo shack.
"Yeah, it does" said the eagle, who was brave enough not to be frightened by the unexpected appearance of a large panda with a booming voice. (The cow/pig was not as brave, and had hidden behind a bamboo grove at the first sound of the panda's footsteps.
"Are you alone, eagle?" said the big panda. "This magical bamboo forest, also known as Panda Forest, has a powerful spell on it that only allows people in the presence of a panda to reach the base of, and ascend, Panda Mountain. But you are not a panda."
"I'm not alone either" said the eagle. "Hey cow/pig, get out here."
The cow/pig stepped out of his hiding place and sheepishly (or cow-piggishly) looked up at the panda.
"Oh geeze!" said the panda, "Is that a cow/pig? The legend is actually that you need a panda or a cow/pig to get through the forest and up the mountain, but we pandas have always assumed that cow/pigs don't exist, so we shortened the name from Panda and Cow/Pig Forest to Panda Forest. Wait a minute, I'll be right back."
The eagle and the cow/pig looked at one another, and shrugged. Then the eagle had an idea...
"Okay, I'm back," said the panda as he stepped out of his shack. "Where are you guys?"
Then the eagle and the cow/pig jumped out from behind opposite sides of the shack. The eagle flew up full speed into the panda's belly, and the panda fell back over the cow/pig.
"First EVER Giant Fat Panda Tip!!!" said the eagle, as he high-fived the cow/pig.
"That was unnecessary" said the panda. "Anyway, I didn't always live up here by myself. There was once another panda, ancienter than I, who lived on this mountain in this shack. He passed away last Tuesday, but he left me a note that he said I couldn't open until I met one of the legendary cow/pigs. I figured he was old and crazy, which he was, but I also figured he was old and crazy because I didn't believe in cow/pigs. First of all, who has ever heard of a cow/pig? And, they supposedly come from Canada, which for many years I didn't believe in either. But now here you are, so I opened the note."
"What does it say?" asked the eagle.
"As I was going to say, before I was tipped, the note reads "A time of great evil has passed, I've been drinking green tea all day, but a time is coming when the great evil will return, we just ran over a small bus, and when that evil comes, pools are great for holding water, new and old powers will need to unite to fight it, ultimate-punch."
"That panda was crazy" said the eagle.
"Regardless of that, I believe that you are this new power, a demonstrated by your bravery, legendary-ness, and tipping abilities. You must travel to the distant and ancient lands of Wolley and Der to find the tools to summon the old powers and defeat this rising evil."
"Alright, I have nothing else to do," said the eagle. "You in?" he asked the cow/pig.
"Yep" said the cow/pig.
"Good luck," said the panda. "Go that way."
And so the eagle and cow/pig set off towards Wolley.
"Wait," said the panda, "what are your names, so that this story may be recorded in legend?"
"Gregle," said the eagle, "Gregle the Eagle."
"Lenny," said the cow/pig, "Just Lenny."
"About time," said the panda.
"Who are you?" yelled Gregle, who was by this point quite far away from the panda on the mountain.
"I am Eads the Panda," said the panda. "Good Luck."
To Be Continued...
